When I see a kid eating a pack of Skittles or Starburst I laugh.
It is like buying a knockoff Monet and hanging it from your wall, thinking your guests have no idea that it is fake.
These kids are ultimately trying to trick their mouth into thinking they is eating real FRUIT, when it is actually candy.
Evil kids trying to trick their mouths.
What a tangled web we weave.
Anyway,
An immortal question rises in me when I think about this:
Why not just eat fruit?
I genuinely do not understand.
Don’t get me wrong here, I am pushing no secret agenda.
I am by no means hocking a pro-health lifestyle on anyone, either
I ate steak wrapped in bacon and then wrapped in another steak for dinner tonight, so know, I have no agenda.
I just find the act of eating fake fruit to be somewhat silly.
This cat could kick your ass.
It would be like dyeing water white and trying to tell yourself you are drinking milk.
That would not work,
you would spit it out,
so why is fake fructose fruit so accepted these days?
I demand answers!
If I want a strawberry, I don’t want a gummy strawberry.
I mean,
if I am in the gummy strawberry mood then so be it, but in what situation does a sugar filled, chewy, fruit shaped candy count as a reasonable substitute replacement and or stand in for actual fruit?
You are telling me you ever eaten a single fruit candy that tastes better then a FUJI APPLE?
I would contend that challenge.
If someone says yes, I do not believe them. A Fuji apple is the most divine fruit on this earth and its deliciousness can only be comparable to to the sweet nectar that would drip from a lactating angel’s teet.
There is nothing that could come in a plastic bright plastic bag that can contend with natures actual fruit making ability.
Gushers are the only exception to the rule.
I mean, the fruit roll up is delicious, but at no point during its consumption do I think it matches half the capacity of a Kiwi or a Mango. Those kind of experiences in your mouth are so magical it is ALMOST like oral sex.
Seriously.
Eating a good piece of fruit is a lot like shoving someones sex in your mouth.
Ok, it is not at all like that, but apparently this piece is getting me worked up so I am going to stop writing and go sloppily shove my face into a peach now.
That was not a metaphor. I am a messy eater.
The post The Fruit Flavored Candy Conundrum: What Is Wrong With Kids Today? appeared first on Remy Carreiro.